heavy-wanded

I missed a couple days of the challenge, with work and low energy and life in general I haven’t been capable of writing. but that’s okay.

I wrote today’s piece thinking about a lot of different things. my tarot pull, for one.

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I’m a little confused about how the first card applies, but the Page of Pentacles and Ace of Wands have similar messages for me: to believe in my creative abilities and ideas, and to keep fighting for the right to use them. even if fighting just means surviving one day at a time.

I’m also listening to the Romeo+Juliet soundtrack, which I’ve been vibing with a lot today. there’s a part of me that is ready to look for love. there’s a bigger part of me that’s afraid to seek it. my record of love is long and jagged and disappointing, and I’m trying to break out of those trauma patterns. trying to step away from my old vision of love and be ready for equity and communication and respect and care.

April Resistance
Untitled #9

give us this summer. body been shredded.
just a nut (enclosed). a note. barred.
i’d barf. be held. a constant ringing.
the service injury. dark sparkler. impinging.
watch the shadows. or watch their edges.
i will no longer be minor unless it’s Bm.
scrabbling spiders, fretting over squires.
now i’m the spider’s web. shredding.
let me be made again, heavy-wanded.
linger over fenders. 80mph fingers.
the bellying out. the baby’s breath bouquet.

(this poem doesn’t feel done. missing something. a final line. maybe. hmm. but that’s why i love this challenge. i’m not going to come out with 30 poems, but godamn am i going to come out with a shit load of drafts i can continue to finetune for journal submissions in the future)

for anyone who reads my blog, how do you feel about integrating my poem posts with ‘blogging’ about my life, including how my mental illness affects me? also, including my tarot pull is new. I want to use this blog to talk about tarot more in the future, this is sorta a test run!

if you follow and leave a comment I will probably follow back! especially if you blog about: poetry, nature, tarot, mental illness, queer life, and/or nb/trans issues.